the art of arguing over trivialities.
Charles Bukowski never failed to shine a light on the truth of the human condition in his time, and one piece of writing that has stayed with me ever since is
We're all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn't. We are terrorised and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing.
These words struck me so deeply that every time someone argues or fights with me, especially family and friends, I can’t help but think of them. Why? Aren't we all going to disappear in time, sooner or later? Why don’t we realize that? Instead of arguing or fighting over it, why can’t we empathize with each other and move forward? What’s so hard about that? Yet almost everyone seems to miss it.
In a world full of big challenges and significant issues, it’s often surprising how people find themselves caught up in arguments over the most trivial things. From debates about what to have for dinner to the proper way to fold laundry, these seemingly insignificant disagreements can sometimes escalate into full-blown conflicts.
People are strange; they often pick fights over trivial matters, completely forgetting why they’re here, what they’re doing, or where they’re headed. It’s as if they’re lost, confused, and trapped in a suffocating life, disconnected from their true selves. They carry so much pain and anger inside, but instead of addressing it, they end up venting it over meaningless things.
I watch this man get agitated, losing his temper over a delay in traffic, all to reach a place where he’s treated as just an employee and paid to spend his precious life on someone else’s company goals. Yet, when it comes to bigger things like letting years pass without chasing his dreams or pursuing his passion, he barely flinches. Why is that? Is it easier to vent over small, trivial things, where it feels safer, than to confront the uncomfortable truth that he’s living in fear, too afraid to take the steps he truly wants to take in this brief life? I know he’s not really supposed to be heading there in the first place. Getting to the office 10 minutes earlier won’t change much in his life. In fact, he should be doing something else entirely, heading in a different direction altogether.
As we navigate our daily lives, it's easy to get swept up in the small, meaningless battles. But if we take a moment to step back, we might realize that our time here is far too short to be wasted on such trivialities. What if the next time we feel the urge to fight over something small, we stopped to ask ourselves: Is this really worth it? Are we avoiding something deeper, more meaningful, by clinging to the petty struggles? In a world that’s constantly pushing us to keep moving, perhaps the greatest act of rebellion is to pause, reflect, and choose to connect, instead of argue. What would happen if we did that, more often?